I used to think that publishing an online journal reflects the writer's ego and self-centeredness. However, I started reading my friend Karlo's blogspot, and I came to realize that this would be a good venue to dissect how I feel and document the things that I go through WHILE I'm goin' through them. Memories can only go so far, and it would be nice to have access to the "me that was" when I become the "me that's yet to be."

I never felt comfortable about sharing my problems and my thoughts with other people. I haven't even cried in the longest time. The only exception, the only person who knows a lot of my deepest thoughts and feelings is my best friend Cathy. Now, for the 1st time in our entire lives, the most important person in my life has been separated from me. Cathy moved to Boston middle of this year to pursue a masteral degree. I have never felt so alone as I do these days.

I have almost always detached myself from my emotions. Doing so minimizes pain, and sometimes I deceive myself into thinking that emotional pain has been eliminated completely from my life. My greatest fear is turning apathetic for real.

Writing this, I feel like I'm writing to Cathy. Thinking this way makes it easier to be truthful and honest to myself and whoever bothers to read this journal. And that's the way I want this blogspot to be. Real.