Remember?

I first met you at school. That was almost a decade ago. You were a freshman and you were applying at my org. I was one of the officers assigned to your batch, and on your very first interview you cried. You were very refined about it. You asked for a few minutes to compose yourself, turned around and dabbed discreetly at your eyes. Then you faced us again ready to tackle more questions. I thought you were going to quit.

We met again at your batch's acquaintance party at my place. You wore a dress which I think you weren't used to wearing. You seemed really mature at that time. We hardly interacted, especially since you were assigned to someone else and I had my own applicants to take care of. Sette-Sette and Pinky got into an accident going to my place, so Bob and I went with them to the police station to help them make a report. I hardly saw you anymore that night.

Sunday, I called you up. I don't know why. Maybe I was just checking on you as was my responsibility as a memcom officer. I asked you how you were. Small talk. Were you making your costume at that time? It was on that call when I realized how much of a kid you were. So much like me. It was a short conversation, as you were still an applicant. It was only later when you'd tell me that if I didn't call, you would have quit the very next day. Funny how we don't see the impact that we make on people until later on. Or sometimes, we never see it at all.

Two people who at that time in my life were important to me were assigned to you so I guess, by osmosis, I also got to interact with you a lot. I took care of you. Made sure you were okay and that you had the support you needed to pull through. I doubt you needed that 'coz even then you were very strong. You wowed us all when you showed up at the veranda all dressed up despite your mom's warnings. You snuck out. You were that determined.

You made the best write-up I have ever received in my entire college life. A month after, you'd tell me that most of your nights were spent on that write-up. Your mom and kuya would drive by the veranda while you were applying. I would have wanted to tell them that I would never let you come into harm's way. I didn't have to say it. I just had to do it. I "adopted" you when those assigned to me quit.

Something drew me to you. I guess it was because we were both kids at heart. I happily welcomed you into my org . I didn't know that I was welcoming you into my life as well.

College was never the same again.

We'd talk on the phone everyday. We'd be with each other everyday. We had our own little world. Yeah, we worked our butts off for the org we loved, but when playtime came, we usually struck off on our own. I brought you home almost everyday. But before that, we'd go places. You'd come with me to Filbars and CNA in Katips. I'd go with you to that rollercoaster in Sta. Lucia. And for one unguarded moment, I allowed you to take me skating. Only because doing so that time would cheer you up.

In a classic case of "pay it forward," we took care of Chiqui together. Then we were memcom officers together for Carlo's batch. We'd talk about alternate realities, Christopher Pike, your past, my past, everything and anything. I was slowly discovering that your beauty wasn't just skin deep. You were the deepest person I have ever met. And you laughed at my jokes, even the subtlest ones.

And it made me happy that I made you laugh. Whenever you'd have a fight with your mom because of her boyfriend, I'd rush to your house. We even had that picnic at UP just for the heck of it. We ate on the floor of Dunkin Donuts when there were no seats available because we never really cared what other people thought.

People thought we would fall for each other. We did at some point, although at two different points in our lives. I confessed to you during that planning session. A year after, that time I was sick, you handed me excerpts from your diary then zoomed off. That was one of the rare times that I was left dumbfounded. I always was the denser one.

You were the first to know.

We were parked in Greenhills. Another one of those arcade nights, when I'd play Pac-Mania and we'd play that driving thing. Was the arcade called "Carnival Carnival?" I forget.

We'd eat at Angelinos. Play pictionary and playstation. Drive to Antipolo just to jam. We'd be classmates and groupmates. We'd compose our own songs and MTVs. Oh we had arguments. You'd call them "tampupus. But for some strange reason, whenever we fought, we could never let the day pass without making up. I'd drive to Galleria to cool off... and bump into you at our favorite "pauper parking." We finished each other's sentences. We co-wrote the stories of our lives.

You were there when I first fell in love. And there at my lowest point when we broke up. I was a shattered mess that time, not wanting to see anyone. But you. You were always the exception.

I was there when you first fell in love. And there at your lowest point when you two never even came to be. You were angry and seething and I made sure you were never alone.

Come to think of it, I was never alone because of you.

So we learned together. And became stronger together. And yes, we became harder too. We took care of each other. You were the rational one whenever I became illogical. I helped you see things in a different light whenever it was dark.

You fell in love again, and I kept my distance. Things were different now. You were no longer mine exclusively. So I learned to share. And I liked it, because I liked seeing you happy. And in love.

Whenever you'd fight, I try to make you see his perspective. Whenever you'd walk out on him, I'd pick you up. You were the most important person in my life. Guess what? You still are. I think you always will be. If your offer back in college still stands, I'd love to walk you down the aisle one day... and give you away to the luckiest guy that will have you for the rest of his life...

You're in the States now. You prolly won't even read this. But I just needed to affirm how much you mean to me and how much you've helped shape me into who I am today. You never quit on me. You never betrayed me. You have always been the best. You have always been my best.

You're my best friend, Cathy Buena.

And I'll always remember the first time we met. Your absence these days. And everything in between.